Fernando's Adventures: Land of the Lady-Boys!

Happy Chinese New Years! We had this past week off of school so I visited Meris in Bangkok. This city is definitely one of the coolest and most intense places I’ve ever been. The first night was pretty chill, I arrived with my baggage and found Meris and Andy. And like every time I fly in at night, we go straight to the bars with my baggage in hand. This one was pretty crazy though, it is actually a gas station during the day, and opens into an outdoor place to chill at night.
The next few days were extremely relaxing. We slept in during the day, ate street food at night, and then partied at some pretty cool clubs. I love the fact that bottle service at clubs might actually be cheaper than buying individual drinks. Oh ya, and we watched a lot of Heroes, Season 1 to be precise.
So for you ladies out there, if you didn’t know, a urinal is a very sacred place for us men. There are stringent Man-Rules that must be abided whenever entering a public restroom. For example, if there are no dividers, you patiently wait until there is an opening that leaves an empty urinal between you and your fellow pee-er. Or for instance, you never let your eyes wander while standing at the urinal. We have three options, down, straight ahead, or up; take your pick, but that’s it. While this might sound strange, these are the laws that sustain the tranquility of a men’s restroom.
That being clarified, I had an interesting occurrence in the men’s restroom. I walk in and carefully choose the perfect urinal for my ultimate peeing experience. I’m obviously minding my business when I feel two hands touch the back of my neck. In utter shock, I turn around (head only, perverts) to see a bathroom attendant puzzled. Next thing I know, he’s doing this crazy Thai massage while I’m finishing my business. I didn’t think my back could crack so many times. While a little awkward, it was 1000x better than my China massage experience. All Meris could say was she was happy I didn’t turn around and deck the poor guy, haha
Thursday was New Years so Abby, Charity, Meris and I went to Chinatown and had an amazing dim sum lunch. On Friday night, (our off night) we went to watch this Thai modern dance show. Call me insensitive or whatever, but I had no idea what was going on. All I remember was there were a lot of half naked dudes running around, one who had powder all over his body and looked like a girl. Pretty sweet.

Andy, Marney, Meris and I had a cultural day on Saturday. Marney called it “Slightly Charmless” and Andy calls it “The Day of Overrated activities.” I actually kinda enjoyed it, but whatev. We did the floating markets in the morning, then went to River Kwai which was some memorial and museum for WWII. And then we did Tiger Temple which was definitely pretty cool. Here’s a picture
So on Sunday night, Marney and Charity were over at Meris’ apt and they started talking about these traditional religious tattoos done by Buddhist monks. Supposedly, these tattoos are blessed with good luck and protection from injury for life. We were talking about how they even had a way of doing the tattoo in sesame oil so that it’s invisible.
Meris and I were staying awake to watch Heroes anyways, but I really was considering getting one of these tattoos. So around 3:30AM, I start researching everything about the blessed tattoos. I never was really sure that I wanted one, but I knew if I thought about it too much, I’d convince myself not to. So I looked into designs and I was decided on getting a tiger. Not sure if it was because I’m half Chinese, Chinese New Years just passed, or that we just petted tigers, but it just made perfect sense to me. Partly because that is my Chinese zodiac sign, but I like what it represents in both Buddhist religion and Chinese history. Luckily, Meris was nice enough to accompany me and around 6am, without sleep, we head off to this famous temple for performing these tattoos. Strictly to check it out of course.
So we finally get there and no one speaks English. I give them the required donation: incense, flowers, a pack of cigarettes and a lil cash(total of $3US), and the guy sits me down to give me the first blessing. Without warning, he pulls out this huge needle and I freak out. I didn’t even choose a design; he was just going to start!
So I tell them I wanted a tiger in the middle of my back, and they tell me they can’t. I interpreted that there are certain symbols that can be placed in only certain places. So the asst. takes off his shirt and shows me this tiger on his chest. It’s kinda ugly and I just can’t imagine having a tattoo on my chest. Finally they show me one off to the side of his back that I absolutely love. Let’s do it.
He makes me lay down very awkwardly; I’m on my stomach with my head in the assts. lap. Not only that, I had to wrap my arms around his stomach, let’s not talk about that. So he pulls out this 50cm needle and starts jabbing away at my back. This was definitely one of the most painful things I’ve ever done. Thank god for Meris, she helped get my mind off it and she took lots of pictures. Probably the coolest part, when he showed me the stencil of my tattoo it was just a tiger. But for whatever reason, at the very end he inscribed some older Cambodian language on my back. I asked a cab driver what it meant and he said something to the effect of “Have no fears.” I love it even though it is definitely bigger than I had imagined.
The last day in Bangkok was cool, I just ran around and saw a ton of temples and palaces. A lot of you know that I thoroughly enjoy “people-watching.” So I’ll tell you what I saw today on the plane coming back to Hong Kong. I’m walking down the little aisle nearly to my seat and I see a guy just standing in my row. I signal to him that I’m next to him and he looks over laughing and tells me that he’s waiting for the lady right next to me.
This poor uncoordinated lady had two small bags and a coat, but just cannot get herself together. She must have just been having one of those days because she’s dropping everything and can’t get anything right. So she finally moves out of the way, and she plops right down into my seat. I chuckle and tell her that’s my seat.
Even more frustrated, the woman tries to pick herself up and moves across the aisle to sit down again. Why she decides not to go to her seat, I have no idea. I wonder if it’s too much of a trek to make it to her seat, but I guess it isn’t my business. Regardless, she sits there for about another minute until this Thai couple comes and kicks her out again. Turning around too fast, she hit her bag against the chair next to me so damn hard she almost knocks herself over. I swear, if someone was next to me they would have had at least a bloody nose.
Now, I just can’t control my laughter because I don’t understand. Was it too much of a workout for her to walk to her seat? Regardless, she walks behind me so I don’t pay attention anymore. But 15 minutes later, this walking example of grace comes back and picks up her hat that she left behind with the first guy. That’s really something else.
Luckily, I was able to avoid going to a ping-pong show in Bangkok. If you don’t know what that is, your life is probably better this way. Shout out to Meris, Andy and all the great new people I met in Bangkok if you’re reading this. Peace!